Would You Rather: Survive the Apocalypse in a Cave Full of Conspiracy Nuts from Kansas OR … Not?

Kansas Apocalypse Survival Cave

After most of the world’s population is wiped off the map by a wayward meteorite, nuclear winter, or (my favorite) a zombie apocalypse, the survival of the human race might depend on a few thousand people, huddled in RVs parked deep under Eastern Kansas. At least, that’s what Robert Vicino, who purchased the former US Army storage facility, believes.

“I do believe I am on a mission, and doing a spiritual thing,” explains Mr. Vicino. “We will certainly be part of the (new) Genesis.”

Until whatever pseudo-religious Armageddon prophecy fulfillment that finally does humanity in rolls around, though, Mr. Vicino says that his “Vivos Survival Shelter and Resort” will be a fun place for members to “take vacations and learn assorted survival skills to prepare them for whatever world-changing catastrophe awaits”.

I have to admit, that sounds like exactly the kind of place I’ll be trying to talk Walt into going to the next time he’s Stateside (this August!) but I have to believe that it’ll be a weird scene. Weirder, even, than most of the survival-y things out there – and, yes, I base that entirely on Robert’s creepy spiritual/”new Genesis” talk.

It may be a messed-up, borderline discriminatory thing to say, but I don’t think I’m the only who’ll feel that way. Take Redditor sun827’s comment …

“I think if it means riding out the apocalypse in a cave under Kansas in an RV surrounded by Jesus’ people; I’ll take the apocalypse.”

… which, frankly, feels very right to me.

I know how bad that sounds, but my feelings on this have very little to do with any particular or- even any general dislike for Christianity, the teachings of Jesus as a man, a Rabbi, a prophet, or the physical embodiment of God on Earth. My feelings have very little to do with the RVs, or even the caves, themselves.

The caves seem nice enough, actually …

Kansas Apocalypse Survival Cave

… if a bit- dark and Kansas-y. No, I think the trouble with any of these doomsday cult things (and, trust me, if Mr. Vicino’s “Shelter and Resort” isn’t a cult yet, it probably will be soon enough – if only for the tax-dodge) is that they have this smug sort of “we’ll show you” attitude that basically means they’ll find joy – considerable joy – from being right that somehow outweighs the deaths of untold billions. In my book, that makes them unforgivable shitbags, and I’d rather not spend time in a society founded on shitbag principles.

Speaking of unforgivable shitbags, it would appear that Vicino’s “spiritual mission” comes with a tacit endorsement from noted shitbag and celebrated conspiracy wingnut Glenn Beck, as well as some kind of “divine mandate” to cash in: Vivos is charging “the chosen few” who he deems worthy to survive the apocalypse at a rate of $1000 for every linear foot of their RV, plus $1500 per person for food, meaning that a family of 4 planning to survive in a 30-foot RV will pay $30,000 for the space and $6000 for food. Up front.

Vicino also owns a similar “shelter and resort” in Indiana with room for 80 people to live comfortably for up to a year. There, members are expected to pay $50,000 per adult and $35,000 per child, so a family with two adults and two children would have to come up with $170,000 to be part of the post-apocalyptic generation … and that’s after Vicino deems them “worthy“. Oh – and don’t think for a second that Robert gives a rat’s ass about anything but money. “I’ve heard people say, ‘I will just show up at the door,'” he said. “Our response is, ‘great, where is the door?’ At our secret shelters, you won’t know where to go, and your cash will be worthless at that time.”

Our cash will be worthless? Then why are you asking for it!? (because: shitbag)

For those of you interested in learning more about surviving the apocalypse in a cave under Kansas surrounded by a bunch of smug, creepy shitbags, here’s the text of the original article, as it appeared on the ABC newswire, below.


After most of the world’s population is wiped off the map by a wayward meteorite or hail of nuclear missiles, the survival of the human race might just depend on a few thousand people huddled in recreational vehicles deep in the bowels of an eastern Kansas mine.

That’s the vision of a California man who is creating what he calls the world’s largest private underground survivor shelter, using a complex of limestone caves dug more than 100 years ago beneath gently rolling hills overlooking the Missouri River.

“I do believe I am on a mission and doing a spiritual thing,” said Robert Vicino, who has purchased a large portion of the former U.S. Army storage facility on the southeast edge of Atchison, about 50 miles northwest of Kansas City, Mo. “We will certainly be part of the genesis.”

Before it comes time to ride out Armageddon or a deadly global pandemic, though, Vicino says the Vivos Survival Shelter and Resort will be a fun place for members to take vacations and learn assorted survival skills to prepare them for whatever world-changing catastrophe awaits.

Jacque Pregont, president of the Atchison Chamber of Commerce, said some people think the shelter plan sounds creepy or that Vicino has “lost his mind,” while others are excited because they will finally get a chance to tour the property.

Atchison is known as the birthplace of Amelia Earhart and one of the most haunted towns in Kansas, Pregont said, so the survival shelter is likely to add to the town’s tourism draw.

“It’s quirky, and quirky gets attention,” she said.

Recent Hollywood movies have done big business exploring themes about threats to the human race, either through climate shifts, meteor impacts or zombie invasions. And the National Geographic Channel show, “Doomsday Preppers,” documents the efforts of Americans who are preparing for the end of the world with elaborate shelters and plenty of freeze-dried rations.

Paul Seyfried, who belongs to a group that promotes preparing for manmade or natural disasters, said Americans have become complacent ever since the death of John F. Kennedy, the last president who urged people to build fallout shelters.

“There has been no war on our soil in over 100 years, so the horror of war is not stamped indelibly in Americans’ minds,” said Seyfried, a member of The American Civil Defense Association’s advisory board.

Ken Rose, a history professor at California State University-Chico, is an outspoken critic of underground shelters. Though he acknowledged that interest in underground shelters is growing, he called projects like the Kansas facility a “colossal waste of time and money.”

“Some people are just obsessed by this idea,” Rose said. “… Without minimizing the terror threat here today, the threats were much greater at the height of the Cold War. At least then anxiety was based on a realistic scenario.”

The Kansas caverns are 100 feet to 150 feet below the surface and have a constant natural temperature in the low 70s. They are supported by thick limestone pillars six times stronger than concrete and will have blast doors built to withstand a one-megaton nuclear explosion as close as 10 miles away, Vicino said.

Other than being surrounded by more than a mile and a half of 6-foot-high chain-link fence topped with sharp rows of barbed wire, the land above ground isn’t distinguishable from expanses of hills and trees that surround it. The proposed shelter’s entrances — nondescript concrete loading docks tucked discretely into the wooded hillside — are easily defensible against any potential intruders provided there’s not a full-scale military attack, Vicino said.

The Army used the caverns — created by limestone mining operations that started in the late 1880s — for decades as a storage facility before putting them up for auction last year. The winning bid in December was $1.7 million, but financing fell through and the site was put up for sale again.

Springfield, Mo., investor Coby Cullins submitted his winning $510,000 bid for the property in early April, and he immediately started looking for ways to use it. One of his ideas was to lease the land to a company that builds survival bunkers.

Vicino, whose company is based in Del Mar, Calif., said he received an email from Cullins and flew to Kansas two days later to check out the property. Vicino agreed to purchase 75 percent of the complex, rather than lease it, while Cullins retained the rest and is marketing it to local businesses.

The complex consists of two fully lighted, temperature-controlled mines with concrete floors. The east cave, which Cullins owns, encompasses about 15 acres and contains offices, vaults, restrooms and other developed work spaces. The much larger west cave, which covers about 45 acres, is mostly undeveloped and will be converted into the Vivos facility.

The shelter will have enough space for more than 1,000 RVs and up to about 5,000 people. Members will be charged $1,000 for every lineal foot of their RV to purchase their space, plus $1,500 per person for food. That means a person who plans to park a 30-foot vehicle in the shelter with four people inside will pay $30,000 for the space and $6,000 for food.

Actual sales won’t begin until a “critical mass” of reservations are received and processed, Vicino said, which hasn’t happened yet at the Kansas shelter.

Vivos also owns a shelter in Indiana with room for 80 people to live comfortably for up to a year. There, members pay $50,000 per adult and $35,000 per child, so a family with two adults and two children would have to come up with $170,000 to be part of the post-apocalyptic generation.

Purchasers will be required to pay for the full balance before taking possession of their shelter space, though the company has offered limited financing in the past with a sizable down payment.

Vicino says he won’t say specifically where the Indiana shelter or any of his smaller facilities are located because he fears there would be anarchy in the event of a world-changing catastrophe.

And it doesn’t matter who comes knocking at the “moment of truth,” Vicino said, they’re probably not getting in.

“I’ve heard people say, ‘I will just show up at the door,'” he said. “Our response is, ‘great, where is the door?’ At our secret shelters, you don’t know where to go, and your cash will be worthless at that time.”


Sources | Photos: ABC News, via Reddit, Terravivos.

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Author: Jo Borrás

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    • It’s not plagiarism (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plagiarism) when you state who said it (Robert Vicino, in this case, and he is credited in my first paragraph), cite your sources (as I did, in both link and quote forms). I believe the word you’re looking for is “paraphrased”, which is 100% A-OK. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphrase , specifically the part at the bottom, which states “The phrase “in your own words” is often used within this context to imply that the writer has rewritten the text in their own writing style – how they would have written it if they had created the idea.”)

      Now, by your “logic”, I just plagiarized Wikipedia, right? Do you get the concept now?

      That’s your lesson in grammar/writing for the day. In the future, please look up big words before posting negative comments, or refrain from using words you don’t understand altogether.

      (Just in case: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/refrain)

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