Learning a new Love Language

Published on January 25th, 2013 | by

People feel and express love in different ways. What one person may believe communicates their deepest feelings may seem superficial and unneeded by another person. This comes from your personal love language.

There are five different love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Expressing and receiving love differently than your partner opens the door for miscommunication, which can cause serious problems in your relationship. In order to avoid this tragedy, figure out and cater to your partner’s love language.

Words of Affirmation

To these people, words speak much louder than actions. They need to hear you say how much you love and appreciate having them in your life. Start with always choosing your words carefully. This kind of person lives for your compliments and words of approval. Even the smallest compliment will go along way with Words of Affirmation.

Quality Time

This language is more than simply spending time with one another. It needs to be quality time. Turn off your phone, send the kids to a babysitter and enjoy some actual time with your loved one. Make date night a regular priority, maybe learning healthy recipes together, to make sure that Quality Time really feels how much you care.


This person isn’t necessarily materialistic. It’s often the thought and meaning behind the gift that really resonates with this language. Pay attention to the little things this person says they want. Also, surprise gifts like organic fruit baskets or fair trade flowers are great ways to show some spontaneous love in this language. Organic Bouquet is an Insteading favorite, but also FloristExpress.com has some arrangements that are sure to speak to your loved one.

Acts of Service

For those considering alternative gifts, the gift of service is as strong a builder of personal relationships as any on earth. Go find that to-do list your loved one gave your three months ago and get to work on it. Chances are, you lack of service is the reason your relationship hasn’t taken off. This person isn’t lazy. Rather, they want to know that you are willing to take care of them. Find little things you can do to show your love everyday. Even the simplest thing like doing the dishes or packing their lunch can go a long way.

Physical Touch

This reaches beyond the bedroom. Physical touch is about making your partner feel safe and loved through your touch. A carefully placed touch on the arm or pat on the back can go a long way in this language. Little things like sitting closer during a movie or making a point to touch your partner in a crowded room are great ways to show your love.

Everybody gives and receives love, but sometimes it’s difficult to pinpoint. Have a conversation with your partner about these things and learn how to start communicating love more powerfully to one another.

Photo from Shutterstock


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About the Author

Scott Cooney (twitter: scottcooney) is an adjunct professor of Sustainability in the MBA program at the University of Hawai'i, green business startup coach, author of Build a Green Small Business: Profitable Ways to Become an Ecopreneur (McGraw-Hill), and developer of the sustainability board game GBO Hawai'i. Scott has started, grown and sold two mission-driven businesses, failed miserably at a third, and is currently in his fourth. Scott's current company has three divisions: a sustainability blog network that includes the world's biggest clean energy website and reached over 5 million readers in December 2013 alone; Pono Home, a turnkey and franchiseable green home consulting service that won entrance into the clean tech incubator known as Energy Excelerator; and Cost of Solar, a solar lead generation service to connect interested homeowners and solar contractors. In his spare time, Scott surfs, plays ultimate frisbee and enjoys a good, long bike ride.